Regarding Wedding Cancellations and Postponements

Sometimes, even after months or years of planning and arranging everything, a wedding doesn't go quite as hoped. Sometimes doubts and second-guessing will take hold and lead to the cancellation of the whole ceremony. Sometimes, due to personal matters such as family deaths, weddings are postponed for a later date or plans are changed entirely. There are specific things that need to be taken care of, and in many cases, they need to be taken care of promptly.

If a wedding is cancelled well in advance, it is often enough to send notes (either hand-written or in a similar style to the invitation cards, only less enthusiastic and considerably more sedate and somber) to everyone invited telling them very politely that the wedding will not take place. It is not required to give a reason as to why the wedding has been cancelled. If the wedding is within a few days, sending cards is not quick enough, and calling guests is the best course of action, especially those coming in from out of town that have plane reservations and hotel rooms booked for the ceremony.

In the case of a postponement, the same rules apply: if the wedding is far enough away, sending a note with an announcement that the wedding won't happen as planned is fine, though mentioning the reason is a good idea. And if the wedding is not far off at all, it is again important to call the guests to make sure they can rearrange their reservations.

If the new wedding date is set soon after the announcement is set out, it is a good idea to resend invitations. Remember to let everyone know if the venues for the wedding or reception have changed due to scheduling conflicts or the like.

If you cancel the wedding but have already received shower gifts and some wedding gifts, it is imperative that the gifts are returned unused. It is in very bad taste to use gifts before the wedding and reception are over, and it is even worse to keep the gifts if you aren’t intending on becoming a married couple.

The only time it may be alright to keep a gift is if it is engraved or personalized so that it cannot be given as a gift to anyone else if it were returned to the gift-giver. If a gift is personalized to both the bride and the groom, however, it is harder to determine who keeps the gift, or if it should be sent back regardless of personalization.

In the same vein of things that require being given back if a wedding is cancelled, the engagement ring is supposed to be given back as well if the engagement is called off. Regardless of how angry or upset you may be, it is not a good idea to throw it into a river, out a car window, into a garbage can, and pawning it off is also not advisable.

Specific handling of announcement wording will vary from case to case, but make sure to let everyone know so no one wastes money on gas or airline miles for a wedding that won't take place. In general, think very carefully before the big day because no one likes being stood up at the alter -- and the guests tend not to appreciate it either.