The Do's and Don'ts of Bridal Showers

The wedding tradition we know as the bridal shower is believed to have started in Holland after a young woman fell in love and wanted to marry a poor miller, much against her father's wishes. When the couple married, the woman's father withheld her dowry, leaving the two to live off the miller's meager salary. The townspeople were quite fond of the miller, who was willing to give what little he had with anyone in need; they decided to shower the couple with gifts as a way of replacing her dowry so the bride could properly set up the home they shared. Since then, it is common for a close friend to throw a bridal shower for the bride-to-be. With such a get-together, though, there are guidelines for what is considered proper etiquette and what isn't.

For the actual shower itself...

• It is a good idea to plan the bridal shower not only when it is convenient to everyone invited, but prior to the last week before the wedding. Wait to long to hold the shower and the bride may be too stressed out to truly enjoy herself.
• The bride is not allowed to host the shower for herself; in fact, it is generally supposed to be a surprise.
• It is often considered in poor choice for the mother of the bride to host the shower, as it can come across as a plea for more gifts for the bride and groom.
  The maid of honor or a close friend of the bride should plan and host the shower.
• Everyone invited to the bridal shower must also be invited to the wedding.
• It is entirely possible to have more than one bridal shower, but it is not a good idea to invite anyone more than once.
• The exception to the above rule is that the mother of the bride and the bridesmaids should be there for most, if not all, showers.
• When it comes to the gifts received at a shower: Shower gifts and wedding gifts are not a one-or-the-other deal. Bridal showers (if there is more than one planned for a particular bride) are sometimes themed, with guests bringing specific small gifts to fit that theme.
• No gift is to be used until after the wedding, possibly even until the couple are living together.
• It is important for someone to keep a list of who gave the couple what gift during the shower so that proper thank you cards can be sent out after the ceremony.
• If the wedding is called off, all gifts must be returned unused to those who gave them.
  When inviting guests to the shower, it is impolite to mention gifts on the invitation at all, monetary or otherwise. The same goes for the wedding invitations.
• The bride's mother and the bridesmaids are not required to give a gift for every shower attended.

In most cases, etiquette for almost anything wedding-related is dictated by a large dose of common sense and the protocols of politeness. So keep in mind what Emily Post might say and do in this situation, and the bridal shower will go smoothly and be an enjoyable party for everyone involved.